Arguing with myself.

Hey people 🙂

I feel a tiny bit lost at the moment. I will relate this back to writing in a moment, before any of you are immediately put off by something that closely resembling soul-searching/moping! But yes, I feel a bit lost. I keep trying to search for that thing inside me which is the reason why I write.

Do I write for myself? Well, no. If there was nobody but me reading my work I would endlessly procrastinate, and give up the whole thing entirely. If I was the last girl on the face of the Earth would I sit writing? I doubt it, I would probably do what Will Smith did in I Am Legend and watch every film ever created n alphabetical order (skipping out the film I Am Legend, note, because it was pretty awful.)

Do I write for others? I’d like to think so, but being in this odd state of having never published anything as of yet, I feel in limbo. I am writing, not for now, but for that future moment, probably sometime next year if I really stick to it, when I can proudly put my work up for self-publishing.

But my problem is, I’m lacking in motivation, and confidence, two things you need in spades to keep on writing.

On top of that, my usually very quiet personal life is for some reason becoming frantic, as if I am suddenly becoming a popular young lady. And “Sorry I want to sit in my dark flat hitting keys furiously and scolding myself audibly for not making my characters likeable enough” seems like a poor excuse to not come out.

After this big whining post, all I am trying to say is that writing my story is feeling very tough at the moment. But I’m going to do my best to not give up. And part of that includes stopping writing this blog post and starting writing about my lovely characters Jeremy and Sasha, and the scrape they are in…

Thanks for reading!

-Vera

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19 thoughts on “Arguing with myself.

  1. If you have no deadline, then put your story down for a week or two. Put EVERYTHING related to writing down. Read something easy, something entertaining. When you come back to your story, it will be with different eyes.

  2. Keep going! My advice is write for an audience even if you are not getting published officially yet – and then send stuff out to editors and publishers. Someone will be looking for your work and want more of it sooner or later! Just don’t give up!

  3. Hi, moving through the gamut of emotions that we daily string through the eye of the needle when we sit down to write. Writing is very much like putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger because when we write we want something to be born from something that has died in us. I am not sure if the goal is to write likable characters, better that they act from their own volition and less from our promptings. We set the stage and they walk it. But I feel you because at the moment I feel drained of any real desire to write and it probably has something to do with the nature of blogging, wherein we write for direct feed back. Maybe we will have to adopt what Miles Davis did, he played his horn with his back to the white man.

    • It is very difficult trying to force words out, but on the other hand, to simply lie down and accept that I’m ‘not in the mood for writing’ feels like a far less graceful defeat.

      I am trying to stick to 3000 words a week, something that seemed easy a few weeks ago but now seems very hard.

  4. Keep on moving forward Vera. That’s the best advice I can give you and I’m slowly coming around to accepting it myself! If you feel like you’re hitting a wall, write about something else for awhile. You can always come back to your other work when you feel like. Just know that the act of writing every day, even if just a little bit, is the best thing you can do for yourself. Trust in the process!

  5. I took the slightly vain approach and self published my memoir (EPub) though I have quite a number of favourable reviews from various Publishers (as we know unless we are represented by an Agent or have been published before, it is an extremely difficult avenue to persue). Please take heart and continue what you are doing. I have my site and appreciate every single person that stops by to read/like or follow. I am now becoming quite obsessed with blogging and I have to left (though only briefly hopefully) my fiction novel that I have started. I wrote like a woman possessed in the beginning and proudly looked at my 2,500 words. Then stopped. Some say writers should allot a certain amount of words per day or a set time in which to write. Creativity isn’t on a time line. I cannot do this, when the urge overpowers me to write I do, when I don’t I simply don’t. I back away until I get that urge to pen to paper (or finger to key-board) appears again. Please keep writing for others but mainly for yourself, we are writers for a reason.. 🙂

  6. Writing is tough, and sometimes frustrating. I do believe that you will resolve the difficulties and make progress in your writings. Best of luck.

  7. I realise that it’s been two months now, but I hope you continue when you get the chance. I’ve enjoyed reading each chapter and seeing your commitment to your story encouraged me to continue when I was struggling to write. I wish you all the best.

  8. Hi Vera, thought I’d stop by your blog. Still think you did a tremendous job writing one chapter after another… couldn’t have done it myself! Thanks for the inspiration when I was a blogger with 4 posts to my name 🙂

  9. I deal with the same issues- trying to go out and live in the world and gain experiences to write from, but also trying to find the time to write. I’m sure you’ll find the balance, and your writing is great so keep going!!

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